I'M LIZZY THE LEZZY AND CHRISTMAS IS HERE
I'M LIZZY THE LEZZY SO LET'S SHOUT AND CHEER!
I'M LIZZY THE LEZZY I PULLED DOWN MY SLACKS
I'M LIZZY THE LEZZY AND WENT FOR A WAX!
Hello. I finally did it. I finally went to get my muff seen to, just in time for Christmas (in case I get lucky). I booked an appointment with Olga, the beautician, and arrived 5 minutes early. I pondered over the half naked picture of Claudia Schiffer that hangs on the clinic wall, wondering whether I'll be as hot as she is after receiving "the Olga treatment".
I'd go every week if it wasn't so painful. "It's been a long time Lizzy, how are you?" said Olga. I took off my jeans and trainers, and hopped on the bed. "Oh my!" she exclaimed in horror. "Is that a bird's nest down there?" I smiled meekly. If it had grown any longer I might have tripped on it.
So I'm lying on my back with my legs wide open, biting my lip as Olga spreads the burning wax on my legs. She talks to me all the time, i think it's to take my mind off the pain, but i couldn't tell you what she talks about because all I'm thinking is "Ouch! Shiiit... Ouch soon she's gonna ouch reach my bikini ouch line, ouch!"
She ties a knot around my knickers to uncover the well-hidden bikini line. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!! Shit, that hurt. She shines the light on my private parts to get a closer look at her artistry, it's so awkward. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!! I start blowing downwards in a pointless attempt to cool things down, but she just carries on as if spreading boiling hot wax on your labia is as mundane as buttering bread.
Finally it was over and I could breathe again. "Would you like me to do inside your buttcrack as well?" Olga asked hopefully.
"Not flippin likely!" I hastily replied. "But if any birds start nesting in there I'll be sure to let you know!"