Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Bloody Valentine's Day!

I can't believe it. I spent the whole week planning a romantic Valentine's Day for me and my new girlfriend, with lots of fun activities all leading to sex, and I've woken up with my period and stomach cramps!

Don't get me wrong, I know it's not all about my own personal sexual gratification, but who has the energy to perform properly, when all you really want to do is lie under a blanket with a hot water bottle, and watch crappy saturday telly?

I don't feel like getting all dressed up in my bondage suit, I don't feel like eating sushi off my girlfriend's bottom, I don't feel sexy at all. I've got a painful zit on my chin, I've already cried 5 times and I feel an obsessive compultion to clean the house. Valentine's Day was not meant to be like this. I'm supposed to feel like rose petals and pink blancmange, and instead I feel like a cactus and cold rice pudding.

Well, darling. Here's the video I made for you anyway, perhaps we can do it all again in about 5 days time? What? You'll have your period then?

Perhaps that's where "lesbian bed death" comes from. Sex time during the month is already halved by periods, then add another week of two sets of sore tits and extreme mood swings, that leaves one week of each month to be in sync with each other - one night being too tired, one night with a headache, one night not to be in the mood, one night being depressed, one night there's a good film on and one night "I just feel like cuddling tonight, is that OK?". That leaves 1 day of the month which is actually doable and convenient for both of you. And that's surely the time you're bound to have an argument about not having enough sex!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone - I hope you get yours!

p.s. You can send this video to your loved one as a Lizzy E-card at

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